


All the lives we lived before

by Deviiant



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-17
Updated: 2020-10-31
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:35:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27058069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deviiant/pseuds/Deviiant
Summary: An AU where the dancestors revived and were given the option to gain memories of their time on Alternia.12 trolls, 12 vials, 24 lives lived.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 11





	1. Prelude

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first fic i've posted in a long time so I'd really enjoy any feedback you might have, thanks for reading <3

Time had passed since the game had been won, not that much mind you, perhaps a few months. Long enough that it almost felt like a dream and still not so far away that it still embedded its claws into the minds of all who had lived it. Friends had been lost and gained and then lost again, how cruel the bubbles had turned out to be. While they had enjoyed the bubbles and the ability to talk to their now deceased friends it was now an impossibility once again, simply something they wished they could still do. Even those who held a slight grudge towards certain others were remorseful that they had not spent quite as much time together as they could have. 

It wasn’t just their friends that they missed, it was the dancestors too, although they had not known each other for very long it still felt as if they had all eventually become close. Although not always with the one corresponding to themselves, just as anyone would they had those they got along well with and those who they found impossible to deal with, yet it was still with heavy heart that they regretted not being able to spend more time together with them. Even the most insufferable among them had found friendship within the group of the surviving descendants. While it wasn’t part of the troll culture to conduct funerals, memorials were still had, friends were remembered and promised to not be forgotten and for awhile it seemed as if life would churn forward slowly at a pace of normalcy that had begun to seep into the bones of everyone who had won the game. At least that was what had been expected of at the time.

It was a strange and not unwelcome phenomenon that spread across the lives of everyone on Earth C. Starting first with Nepeta, all of the trolls who had died over the course of the game began to wake up, laid almost asleep in the homes of the winners. It had been a shock when Karkat had walked downstairs one morning to find the cat-girl troll curled up on his kitchen table fast asleep. Karkat would continue to deny the suggestion that he had cried at the sight of his long lost friend, grumbling instead at the accusation but smiling all the while. Reunions were had as slowly the entire group of trolls had woken up, tearful hugs were given and even those who felt beyond redemption were welcomed with gripping hugs. 

When everyone first started to revive meetings were held, trying to figure out how and why but eventually they tapered off after a lengthy discussion about it being a reward for winning the game, A simple answer but an answer nonetheless, it was confusing and heart wrenching and wonderful to see their friends again. Hear their voices and know that they were real and there and able to hold them again. And for a moment that was it, the fanfare died down and everything settled and the trolls who revived were given new homes and helped to settle down and adjust to the now non hostile environment. They had gotten the last of their rewards from the game and that was it, it was good, it was perfect. 

Except...the game wasn’t done just yet, they should have expected it to pull something as off the walls as what happened next, but they hadn’t, no one could have guessed that this would be the thing that would happen next. One day everything was normal and the next? Well, let’s just say this time Karkat really did scream at this surprise and he didn’t even try to deny it. Because one day everyone woke up and in each hive and home was an addition to the world, the dancestors were back and in each hand was clutched a single vial of liquid the color of their blood and attached to it was a note explaining what exactly to do and what would happen with the vials.

Twelve trolls, twelve vials, and twenty four lives lived, that was the math of it all when the dancestors revived. Each clutching a small vial the size of their fist each curious as to what they were and did and attached to each vial, a note. It was a slap in the face, a final challenge, a tempting reward or a cruel joke brought about by an even crueler game. Each note explained that the troll who drank their corresponding vial would gain the lifetime of memories that they’d lived in their lives on Alternia. Some were curious, others uncaring, and a few thought it was a bit cruel of the game to wave such temptation in front of them. Eventually though it was decided that they didn’t care much to know about who they could have been, they had learned enough in the bubbles, or so they claimed and so the vials were taken and stored away but still available should anyone wish to take one.

No one did, not immediately, it appeared as if everyone was in agreement on it or at the least no one was disagreeing that they didn’t want to know about their other selves. The vials sat gathering dust for days and then weeks and then months and then one day, a vial disappeared. No one knew of course except for one, one person who had taken the vial in secret with intent on drinking it and learning from the life they did and could have and also didn’t live. A life where they felt they were better and smarter and greater and… kinder. A life filled with love and care for those around them and was received back just as greatly. Because among the rainbow of colors stored away in a seemingly unnoticed and untouched little wooden box the color scarlet had gone missing and would not be seen again. Nor would it get noticed for quite a few days by anyone or anything.

Elsewhere in a small hive a young troll rolled a vial of liquid the same color as his own blood in his hands, thinking about the reason he was here with it now, in his hive, hiding away with the vial like some kind of thief despite it belonging to him. It was his but it also wasn’t, another version of him but one who unlike him was more than just tolerated by those around him. Someone who had been listened to and cared for in ways he could have never dreamed. He envied that life and he craved to know, how much did he care for those around him, how did it feel to be loved? What was his life like? Was it all it was in the stories or was there more? He had to know, he wanted to know, memories and experiences make the troll, so perhaps he could better understand if he could have those memories. Perhaps he could see where he was going wrong and mend fences and bridges that he had torn down with his careless words.


	2. Routine

As far as Kankri could surmise, the morning had started out normally, or as normal as it usually was between him and his dancestor. He had woken up at precisely 5 o'clock, a time that he deemed the most acceptable to arise at as to get an early start on the day and to be prepared for the morning. He had prepared a breakfast for both he and karkat, something that he felt was the least he could do until he was able to get a hive of his own, something he insisted was fully within his capabilities despite no one really protesting much at the idea of him owning one, a fact he was pleasantly surprised to find as on beforus it would have been a chorus of concerned ‘No’s’ thrust upon him at the mere mention of him being independent. 

While the plan was to get a job and eventually move out it was unfortunately a bit more difficult than he imagined, it wasn’t his blood color or species that caused him any strife, it was his talking as many establishments would prefer he keep it to a minimum. Kankri of course not one to be silenced would only increase his discussions bringing about the fact that it was quite rude and terribly oppressing of the places of which he had acquired work to try and keep him quiet when he was well within his right to speak. It was due to this that he would often very quickly find himself out of the job, eventually Karkat had taken to scolding him like he was wriggler which caused Kankri to protest which inevitably led the two down a winding road towards a full blown argument which would erupt into a surprisingly loud, on Kankri’s part at least, screaming match.

The arguments had quickly racked up and boiled over the night previous the both of them arguing and screaming and fighting until the early hours of the next morning, Kankri himself having never actually gone to bed. Which was evident in the eye bags he was currently sporting as he quietly moved about the small apartment kitchen. However, after sitting patiently and waiting for Karkat to come downstairs, waiting first one then two, then three hours listening to his own stomach growl in protest as the food turned ice cold Kankri eventually gave up, the entire morning slowly inching by with neither hide nor hair of the shorter troll. At some point Dave had passed by headed out for the day but hadn’t even spared Kankri a glance that lasted longer than a few moments.

Feeling a bit too awkward to stay in the shared hive Kankri cleaned up and left, believing that perhaps a stroll would help him clear his head. It had turned out to be a bit of a mistake as his day only progressively worsened the longer he was out. First he had run into Mituna, he hadn’t even done anything by the time Kankri had slipped up and pretty much told him outright his entire existence was a crucial issue. A phrasing that he blundered with an even worse apology in which he once again told the other his existence was problematic, he was an ass, he’d always been an ass. In the bubbles and in his life before them he’d not really cared if he hurt someone else's feelings if he was saying what he believed to be the truth. Not that he set out to hurt anyone he really didn’t mean it but it just seemed to happen, he wasn’t one to sugar coat his words which was why his speeches were often littered with trigger warnings, best to keep all instances of accidental harm at bay, if he warned someone then they couldn’t get upset if he didn’t mince his words then could they?

He’d fled from the conversation quickly when he spotted Kurloz marching towards them with a rather...rage filled glare, in his eyes. Knowing that later he’d be reprimanded by both he and a very angry teal blood. Things hadn’t gotten better from there as soon after he’d run into Porrim and not one to wallow in self pity had more or less brushed her off when she’d shown him genuine concern. A few flippant remarks later and the other had huffed off with what Kankri feared were angry tears in her eyes. 

It seemed that no matter what course of action Kankri tried to take, no matter what attempts he did at being kind that something in him seemed to only be capable of angering his friends. Soon he feared he’d have none left which was a thought terrifying within itself for him. Kankri wasn’t a desirable presence in their lives at this point as far as he could tell, he’d messed that up long ago and the constant reminder that he was far from even merely tolerable was something that tended to genuinely bother him daily. If only he were different, he knew better, he should find conversation much easier than most, he might not have god tiered during the game but he could still sense the connections between his friends. How had he done it when he was Signless, when he was someone so different but still himself? 

The thought of who he had become with a few minor changes hung over him like a looming shadow. They would all be better off if he was replaced by him, if they never had to deal with this Kankri Vantas again. Still, there had to be some way to know why Signless had turned out so terribly different from him, some clue as to how he managed to be so loved by his friends, even if he had fewer than Kankri did himself. If he could even call his group friend still, if he even still had that meager ability. Well, there was always one way he could find out...


End file.
